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Friday, October 15, 2010

The Gold Apples vs. The Rotten Apples

Your breath feels shallow and your destination is in clear sight, however in order to get to that lunch table, you must walk through the cloud of smoke to get there. In highschool, it was very intimidating to walk through the area designated "the smoking section" as this is where the rebels of the school hung out. You know, they wore leather jackets, smoked cigarettes, skipped classes and slept around.

The "mean girls" and the jock bullies seemed so powerful and cool back then, but isn't it ironic how they always turn into losers much later in life? Don't get me wrong, I ran with a group that was neither mean nor prissy however we had our own group of "haters" in the school that nicknamed us 90210 after the hit series. I smoked on a casual basis well into my later years in life. I would never judge. That's not my role.

Move forward into the new millenium. Can I ask a very blunt question? As a thin person, when I eat salad every day, why is it imperative that the large women comment on my healthy eating, yet I can never comment on their ability to inhale an entire pie in one sitting. That would just be politically incorrect. They can whisper and comment on my outfits, appearance or judgements but I can never make comment about their unsightly deodorant marks in their too tight clothing. You know the kind; two pounds of sugar in a one pound bag.

Don't you find that it's always the same people in every workplace who are the "rotten apples?" They are unhappy with their own lives, their own marriages and themselves and yet instead of directing their energy to change themselves, they focus it on the new, weak or insecure person of the company. I would think that as mothers of young children, one would change their behaviour accordingly to set a better example for their offspring who look to their mothers as role models. You know the saying, show me your friends and I'll show you yourself? The same goes for parents and children.

This kind of behaviour exists everywhere. There are miserable people all around us. You know what they say, it's better the devil you know versus the devil you don't and in my experience, there is always a ringleader in which their followers do not necessarily agree with their behaviour however considering the alternative, would not want to be the target. Sometimes, it's as simple as removing one trouble maker, to change the entire dynamic of a situation.

I'm not only speaking for myself but for the dozens of people who have contacted me affected by bullies and evil people. Like attracts like, and misery also loves company. It's time to take off the mask and be truthful and realize the joys in life.

We as women are born with intuition and simply know when a situation is not right. As women, we are faced with so many challenges from birth. A friend of mine said to me that as fellow women, we should build each other up, not tear each other down.

Stop spreading the toxins. It seeps in like a wet carpet and eventually really starts to reek.

Nobody likes the smell of a dirty dishrag.

Strive to be a gold apple, not a rotten one. Trust me, it benefits nobody.

One thing is for certain. Rotten apples exist in every environment, but they are always the losers in the end. Be very certain of this.


Anonymous said...

I just read your recent blog and think that you are a hypocrite.

For instance, you are quick to judge people who have stereo types and have the nerve to call them losers. I am a male who used the smoking area at lunch and between classes and would never label or judge someone based on their teenage years. People grow up and so should you.

It is apparent that you are young without the benefit of worldly experiences. When you get a little older and mature some as a person, you will find out what the golden rule of life is ... treat everyone the way you want to be treated. This lesson has served me well. Don't hide behind a blog if someone or something is bothering you. Deal with it right away before you turn a mole hill into a mountain.

A disgruntled reader.

Laura said...

Good piece. I'm still somewhat surprised that you thought I was like that simply because I talk to one of them at work ... but as a new person looking at it from an outside view, I guess you can never be too sure. I've had my share of quarrels and I've had my share of loses, to people who I thought were friends but sometimes you have to put on a happy face. Would these people I fake it for know how I truly feel inside? No. Do they deserve to know? No. I am myself but in most situations, you aren't going to be liked by everyone and sometimes, to keep yourself from being looked at at their level, you have to play the part. The only way you can know the truth is to ask their true friends. The ones you know they are friends with, outside of the workplace. Who am I? Ask your good friend who you dine with every month.

If I'm just being me, I say fuck it. They will get what is coming to them. We will not be the ones who grow old feeling worthless and we will not be the ones who die alone.

Michael Lewicki said...

I have a sneaking suspicion that you're not a male. Why? Well, the vast majority of readers to this blog are female and I just don't see a male following a blog like this from the sidelines to one day stumble upon it and feel like preaching is the answer. It's misguided. Not to mention that your comments are baseless.

It's funny that you rip her for her feelings and comments and noted she was quick to judge people. How do you know that? Unless you're part of the situation, which I think to be true, than that would be a gross generalization based on one blog post. Isn't that what you're doing here?

Do yourself a favour. Stop hiding behind the veil of anonymity. You do it and yet claim she hides behind a blog. That's hypocritical. You're quick to throw barbs and teach "life lessons" but do it without the same kind of repercussions we all face when we put our name beside something.

One last thing. Don't be that person who has to respond back and turn this into something it's not. Plain and simple, If you don't like the content then stop reading it.

Wendy Lewicki said...

It's odd that in 6 months of writing and dozens of comments later, this is the first negative one so far. I could hide and not publish it, but that's not real or fair for life is full of people who both like and dislike what you have to say. That's what an opinion is all about and if discussions come out of it, well then I'm doing my job; whether you agree with me or not.

I am not hiding behind a blog post. Everyone knows who I am. It's the anonymous reader that make me wonder why, if you feel so strongly about this, why would you hide behind a secret identity?

I agree with my husband. The vast majority of readers are female so why all of a sudden, would a male reader just stumble upon the one post that is gender neutral?

Thank you for your opinion and for taking the time out of your day to read my posts. There are millions of blogs out there and I'm no different in the sense that I write about things however if there was a podium and microphone, I would stand up proudly and say the same thing vocally.

Thanks again and I'm sorry if you felt offended in any way.

wendykavelman said...

Kudo's Wendy for re-posting this blog!! It hits the nail right on the head. Unfortunately the offenders of this kind of behaviour rarely see themselves as they are. Even when so elegantly pointed out, they continue making excuses for their bad behaviour by trying to turn it around on the innocent victim. All of us who have been on the receiving end know wherein lies the truth!! Take comfort in knowing you are among the majority in your opinion and not the very small minority who pretend it to be otherwise.
"Treat everyone as you would like to be treated" words to live by. Too bad people didn't stop and think about how the things they say and do affect the person on the receiving end. Even as adults we still haven't learned to play nice! Lessons we should have learned as children.