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Monday, January 31, 2011

WTF ~ A monday rant about life.

I explained to a makeup artist yesterday, that the title of my blog was in reference to the crap that life dishes out and my spin at turning the crap into something positive. For a very long time, I have been of the pessimistic school of thought, or as I like to refer to it as, being real. Sometimes, the reality of being real is that you simply cannot ignore the shit. I get so annoyed when I'm having a bad day and the cheerleaders chant "Be positive! Be positive!"

WTF. What the f*** is going on in this world? Sometimes I am so conflicted. Do you ever want to just pack up your family and move somewhere simple? Have a garden, write in your journal, and possibly a couple of goats? Okay, that's a bit extreme but do you know what I mean?

How are we to stop the cycle of madness going on? Teenagers are under so much pressure to be model-thin and wear celebrity status clothing. Real models are so young, so lost and honestly seem so sad. There is a void in their eyes that screams "help me, I'm drowning" as they are poked, prodded and picked at before the cameras are ready to roll. The real women look to them with adoration and sometimes jealousy. What a life one must live, to be a teenager, on a yacht in Brazil, draped in millions of dollars worth of jewels and designer clothing. Meanwhile, they have no place to call "home", have jet setted around the world, only to discover their model roommates are not their true friends and when they come back to visit family, all their highschool friends loathe their success. They have no idea what normalcy is but long for the concept.

What's even worse is when a woman in her 40's, is so tanned, tucked, teeth whitened and thin that you wonder what she looks like naturally. Then, sickeningly enough, she is prompting her daughters to smile, suck it in, turn to their good side of the camera, and freeze their painted on and forced smiles.

There was a horrible movie I watched on the plane returning from my honeymoon in the Mayan Riviera. It was called "Post Grad" and if nothing else, sent me a message about a life that you entirely plan out. Nothing ever goes to plan, and just when you think you want something, you get that dream and you realize, this might not be for me.

I am trying my hand at photography but realizing where I do and do not want to be. I don't want to be around prima donna brides who ask, if the vendors really expect to be fed on the wedding day? I don't want to be in the "scene" of a rock star life that goes hand in hand with photography. Just like the bar scene where the bartenders, promoters, bouncers and DJ's all roll in the same circle, there is a world of photographers, stylists, hairdressers and models that, if you choose to become part of, you can network to skyrocket into a variety of places including opportunities to be on television and high fashion shoots.

This all sounds very glamorous until you're actually a part of it. Don't get me wrong...there are some amazing people in the industry however everything these days is about image, perfection, shmoozing and getting ahead.

I'm really not into that. I see a real problem with the way things are headed for our generation of can they possibly succeed in a world warped with such distortion about image and status?

After a very long weekend of 13 hour days of shooting in various environments, all I really wanted to do was come home, put on my comfies and hang out with my family. Instead, I fell asleep and woke up to kiss my husband goodbye and wonder aloud where the weekend went.
You can only get as far as you push yourself and I have pushed myself so hard for the past 4 months but I can understand how photographers can burn out very quickly. Sometimes, saying yes to everything is not the wisest decision.

Just as the beautiful models transformed back into regular girls by changing out of hair, makeup and wardrobe and putting on Uggs, track pants and hoodies yesterday, I myself have quickly transformed from a success hungry budding photographer, to someone who wants to be with her family first, and equally find joy in taking photos.

Life is all about balance. The expectation that we all put on ourselves, especially women and teenaged girls at that, is so unfair and sets us up to fail, every single time.

We have to learn to love ourselves, enjoy the simplicity of our lives and try our best.

At the end of a hard and long day, we really are all the same. We want to come home, cuddle up in our most comfortable clothes, wash the stress of the day away from our face and be with those that we love.

It's time to trade the makeup and I-phones in for a hug, because quite frankly, that simple world I long for, with the goat and journal, don't seem at all possible.

If you find that island, please let me know. I'd like to invest in that piece of real estate for my future.

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