Have you ever asked yourself, is it better to be loved more or would you rather love someone so ridiculously much that the thought of losing them makes you physically sick? When you invest your time and heart in someone, does the thrill and addiction and joy that comes from that investment weigh out the risk of it all going tits up?
In all relationships, be it romantic, family or friendly, is there ever a case where things are exactly parallel and equal or is there always someone giving more than taking? Isn't the law of energy or, push / pull theory that whenever you are giving your entirety to someone, that they naturally pull away from you and then when you become aloof or take a step back, as if like magic, POOF! They appear.
I find myself sitting in a strange place these days. All around me are the hurt and wounded and I want to wrap my arms around them and tell them I know what they are going through. I've been there with friendships. I've been there with boyfriends. I've been there with family. I've been there with work environments. I try and empathize but find my words not as soothing as they may have once been. Somehow, a transparent part of my heart has been closed off, as if it has been frozen over in a winter storm. I no longer find myself attached to people and therefore I no longer feel the pain when they are gone. Where once there was such a longing to be loved, now there is the stability of a grown woman who's own self is enough to keep her balanced.
Sometimes I wonder though...will the frigid winter months of my heart ever fully thaw?