For the eyes. For the heart. For the ears. For the feet. For the soul.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

When it counts

For the eyes. For the heart. For the ears. For the feet. For the soul.

It's been about five years since I started this little blog and finally am referencing the above, inspired by a double disk George Michael box set I bought in the 90's. One CD was all slow jams...for the heart, naturally; the other all beats....for the feet.

This got me to thinking about the different types of friendships we have in life.

For the eyes....those that we roll with to public affairs. They make us look good. They know people. We rub elbows with them but certainly would never divulge our deepest secrets.

For the heart....those that make us feel warm and fuzzy. They do nice things like write sweet cards and offer us a feeling of safety and security.

For the ears...we listen to them, or they listen to us. We can sit inside in our comfiest clothes sans makeup or judgement and just pour our hearts out. We can talk about nothing or anything at all.

For the feet.....these friends make us feel happy being around them. They know how to whoop it up, drag our sorry butts out of the cold winter hibernation and make us glad that we did so to hit the dance floor. Double time.

For the soul....we may not see each other often but we always know they are there. Without them a part of us are missing. There's a reason they are the mate to your soul.

I've been privileged to have all sorts of relationships in my life and have learned through age, wisdom and maturity that people don't necessarily have to fit perfectly into one particular compartment. If we don't see eye to eye, it's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean we are finished. If we drift, we may find our way back, we may possibly not. If we are different, we can talk about it and accept each other for our unique personalities. If things change, it's okay. You may have kids and I may not. We may not have the same schedules, interests and activities but that's alright too. We may have lost touch from highschool, university or our workplace; promising to keep in touch and both knowing all the while we won't. You may have insisted your way into my life when I wasn't interested in meeting anyone new, and then left by choice. One chance meeting, email or run-in turned strangers into acquaintances into friends and then maybe strangers again.  I have a tendency to attract people in need. I stay with them until they are fixed and eventually, they always leave. It's okay, it's all okay. A purpose was served. Our time is complete. We may never and yet we may still find our way back to each other. Either way, there was a point in our lives when this person served a mutual purpose. Whether it was to get through a God awful class together, to laugh at inside work jokes, to paint the town red in our wild and shameless single years or to share childhood memories together, it all counts. It all matters.

Recently I had a very good friend from highschool ask me what happened to us.  We were inseparable, always dressed the same and even got matching tattoos. We sort of drifted but the truth is I thought she didn't care. I always felt a sting of pain when her name was mentioned; almost a waive of shame would wash over me for the failure or rather dissolution of the friendship. I once read in a book about girlfriends....The friend who got odd it is for girlfriends' relationships to fall apart. We are the ones who are supposed to stick together and bash that mother fucker when he cheats on you. And yet it's a strange almost shameful feeling when the relationship fails. Almost an unspoken silence when their name is brought up in a mutual circle of friends. The book is fascinating to me because it tells the story from both sides of each party and you yourself can decide what the truth is. And when something is that painful, does the truth even matter?

While I genuinely feel more than most, my friend genuinely still feels...but in a different way. Her message to me, years later was astonishingly simple: I cared, I just show it differently. But I always cared , Wendy. She quipped that her mother in law often says that she will live until 100 because she can whip up a turkey dinner for 30 and not even break a sweat. And me? Dear God, we know what would happen in that situation. But then it dawned on's really okay to have distinct personalities. We just have to work harder to understand each other.

And just like that I realized that we are all different with the same inherent qualities. We just cope and deal with things differently. We take everything way too personally.

Don't overanalyze relationships to the point that you ruin them. Not everyone is the same as you. If you find yourself thinking "I would never do that..." it's probably because you wouldn't. But is said personality trait a deal breaker? Or is it petty shit that in the long run or during a world crisis you would never even remember? Life is hard enough. We are all in this together and need each other. Stop pretending we don't.

At Christmas I had dinner with my very good friend. I brought a gift bag. She looked at me, knowing the way my brain works. She mused: you brought a gift bag. Because that's what you do. I'm picking up the tab for dinner. Because that's what I do.

And just like that we showed our love for each other differently. I write cards. She writes cheques. But at the end of the day, when it really counts....when life is down and out or you have a sick or ailing child or parent, when life crisis' hits...when it really counts...and you need someone, a sweet card....a shoulder to lean on...a listening ear...a night out to get your mind off things...a soothing hug...who cares what box they fit in or if they were indeed a reason, season or lifetime.

For the eyes. For the heart. For the ears. For the feet. For the soul.

It all counts.



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