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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Round and Round.

Life is cyclical. Friends come and go. We love and lose and even when we think we can never love again, either someone new comes in our lives, or time passes, wounds heal, and we somehow find ourselves coming full circle with the ones we lost. The difference is, in this passed time, we are better versions of ourselves. The sensitive memories are gone, a cool down has occurred and we can accept our own faults and wrong doings. Or, at least that's the sign of a person with growth.

It has always been true, in my life anyways, that when one door slams shut, immediately several more open. Perhaps those doors have always been open and I have been guilty of haughtily ignoring. How true is the saying "How bold one becomes when sure of being loved." We take for granted those who are always there, and often push aside the "sure thing" for something that is new, exciting or a challenge. It's only at the time when that excitement dies down, or the newness wears off, or the challenge bites us in the ass that we turn to the sure thing for comfort.

"How bold one becomes when sure of being loved."

I am guilty of a lot of things. I cut people off at the slightest sign of mistrust. To me, this is normal behaviour. To others, it's shocking. I make no secrets of the fact that I am a black and white person. There's no middle ground, no grey, no guessing, no games. Earn my trust and I will have your back forever. Scorn me badly and I will never forget how you made me feel. I will forgive you. I will forget. But to never forget how someone makes you feel at that moment, dictates if you can ever move forward, past it and on to a better future.

I always think that when a situation is too perfect, it's doomed to one day blow up. I have always anxiously awaited for the day that a wonderful relationship turns sour. Everyone has their issues. Lovers quarrel. Friends fight. Colleagues disagree. But it's how you move forward from that, discuss true feelings and one day laugh about it that really matters. I always say that who cares what happens in between if you end up together, okay, and fine again.

Who cares about the middle?

Life is funny, things go round and round and relationships come full circle.

It's how you choose to move forward that matters.

It doesn't mean you are weak if you forgive. It doesn't mean that everything will ever be the same. But who wants same when you can seek better in your relationship? Having disagreements lets each other know that you are human. That you care. And at the end of the day, when you know where each other stands, you've come to accept that person for how they are. And even more importantly, respect them as an individual. Because none of us are the same. And why the hell would we want to be?

I've probably had a fight with every single person I've ever been friends with. I'm not proud to say that, but I am definitely in a better place for it.  I'm passionate, don't look for trouble but at the same time can't sit quiet and pretend that things don't bother me. I'm far from perfect and a lot of times through this discourse, can sit and listen to the things that bother others about myself. There is truth and strength in critique. There is trust and foundation built on honesty. And a mutual respect when you can, despite it all, still accept someone for who they are. Flaws and all.

Alternatively, there's no point in pretending or being fake or making dates and promises with someone that you don't intend to keep. In your heart you know if something or someone is true. In your gut you know if something is over for good. In your soul, your intuition kicks in when it's over and you think "I knew it! Why didn't I listen to myself?" And that's okay, you've learned from it, moved on, wished said person involved well and continued your journey.

But wait for it. Because even the surest of closures somehow creep back into your life, maybe years later. Maybe you will rekindle. Maybe you'll pass each other in the grocery store and avoid eye contact. Maybe you'll share a knowing smile that the two of you are okay, even if nothing is spoken or no future plans are made to reconnect. It's all okay. It's the way the world works. It goes round and round and round again.

And if you're really lucky, you'll find yourself back in a place of familiarity, of comfort with better versions of yourselves.

Kisses and hugs,



Anonymous said...

I love this pic of us!

Shanon Knights said...

Me too :)
It's my favorite and has been framed on display since we took it.

Shanon Knights said...

Me too. It's my fav :)