Hot Child In The City

Ahhh. The lazy, hazy days of summer. Time for backyard gatherings, patios, cottage retreats and easy/breezy, low maintenance fashion. Time to slow down, take it down a notch and soak in the weather. Below, conjure up some visuals of the seemingly unanimous favourite season.

Release Your Brilliance - By Simon T. Bailey

A friend of mine lent me the above mentioned book, which on the back cover states:

This book is for anyone who wants to live life by design rather than by accident. If you:


* have hit the wall--personally, professionally, physically, or emotionally
* feel unfulfilled in your career, working only for the paycheck and benefits
* want to stretch and grow as a person
* long for authentic relationships
* miss the fun and excitement of life
* sense that you have the potential to do something great with your life, but don't have a clue what that might be


Upon finishing this book, I realized the author was using diamonds, which are beautiful, valuable and precious as a metaphor for living life and regarding oneself as such. It was a simple read, and nothing extraordinarily new in terms of content, however it was still a beneficial read. Here is one of my favourite passages:


I remember a business lunch I had once with a sixty-nine-year-old gentleman in Southern California. I asked him what life lessons he had to share with me. He said, "Release the need to be absorbed in self. Understand who you are and refrain from always believing you have to impress people." Genuine people don't feel the need to impress others because they recognize their own value and brilliance.


Cubic Zirconia (CZ) people, however, compare themselves to others, work hard to impress them, and try to make people think they're something they're not. Instead of speaking from the heart and really connecting with others, CZ people are usually busy posturing and being politically correct, especially in business. They will say what is popular and what others want to hear, rather than speaking the truth and dealing with it accordingly.


CZ thinking is the cancer of brilliance. It spreads and affects every aspect of life. CZ people tend to be preoccupied with themselves. For example, they value perfection, so they often have their external "facets" reshaped and polished with cosmetic surgery. Ironically, they strive for perfection through imitation. Interestingly, most people think genuine diamonds are perfect, when in fact they rarely are. Almost all authentic diamonds have inclusions, and yet they shine brilliantly in spite of their flaws. There is perfection in the imperfection. In other words, you don't have to be perfect to be brilliant.


CZ thinkers follow the crowd instead of their hearts. In fact, they need that crowd to reinforce their beliefs. Authentic people know that when you stand for something, you sometimes stand by yourself. CZ people are uncomfortable standing alone and often don't stand for anything at all. They don't want to be the odd person out, on an island by themselves.


Genuine diamond people are willing to stand alone if that's what it takes to release their brilliance. When you decide to step out of the pack and be your authentic self, your friends and co-workers may look at you differently. But genuine people are comfortable saying "I'm okay with me even if you're not okay with me." They act on their convictions without fearing what other people might say or do.


Today, I invite you to look in the mirror, take off the mask, and strip away all that's preventing the real you from shining through. Recognize who you genuinely are, and choose to live an authentic life in which you brilliantly shine from the inside out. Realize that authentic living is a process and that it takes time. An imitation, a manufactured person will never have the same depth, strength, or resilience as a genuine person who has been refined by the fire.

Shy, like me.

In life and in general, they say that strength is in numbers. Growing up with no siblings, I could understand that. It was hard enough to go through life's inevitable changes such as moving, new schools and adolescence but I think when you journey through with a sibling, you bounce back a little easier.

Think of the animal kingdom who travel in packs. It's not natural to be by oneself although later in life, it's amazing how much we relish our alone time. Me personally, I rejuvenate from a long and stressful day by myself or with my husband at home relaxing. There are two types of people: those that revive their energy being surrounded and those that revive their energy with their own company. Some people are a fine balance of both.

There are many advantages to being an only child. I'm not complaining or blaming. I like to analyze why people are the way they are and figure out where they came from. Your past always shapes who you are in some form or another.

Those I am closest to know that I am somewhat of a shy person and those that don't know me think I'm an outgoing and confident person. I suppose I'm somewhat of a mix however when I read articles like the ones I am about to describe, I'm more inclined to tick off the "introvert" box in the survey. Alternatively, I am the craziest and zaniest personality when I'm comfortable and unguarded. Those that know me will relive and retell hilarious stories and those that don't, wonder what I'm really all about.

I bought Oprah's Big Book of Happiness on sale at Home Sense for $9.99 (what a deal). I don't subscribe to her magazine and I rarely watch her show, or the affiliated Dr. shows. I do however love my latest purchase which discusses topics such as mind, body, dating, relating, confidence, finances and health. It exposes such personal topics as depression, divorce, debt, rape, pregnancy, adoption, alcoholism, bad bosses and celebrity confessions.

What really spoke to me, in an age of ballsy, corporate driven women, was an entire chapter devoted to the one thing you assume everyone has: confidence. One article, which spoke specifically about shyness, really had me at the opening paragraph. Below are some excerpts from the article I found interesting.

p.s. Did you know that social anxiety and fear of being judged is the #1 phobia in all of North America, even ranked ahead of dying? That's right and that's crazy. People would rather die than say the wrong thing. Okay, that's a little extreme but you get the point.

We should really lighten up on each other, because we're all more alike than we realize. We all try our best, we all want to be accepted and we all just really want to matter.

We're not alone, and what a relief.

Relax...You are getting bolder, by Beverly Donofrio

* "A few years ago when I complained to my latest, greatest, and now past therapist that I didn't want to go to some party I was invited to, I'd be bored, have nothing to say to people-whom I wouldn't like and who wouldn't like me-she pinned me with her penetrating gaze and said, 'You're a shy person.' "

* "I didn't believe my therapist. Shy adults can't make eye contact; they dress plainly and turn red if you compliment them. I am not like that at all. I can be a flamboyant dresser, I meet your eye, and positively glow from attention and praise. I can even, if in the mood, be gregarious."

* "At the bar, I struck up a conversation with the couple sitting beside me. They were tourists in my town, and when they told me they were thinking of returning for a month in the summer, I suggested that they might like to rent my house because I'd be away then. We made a date for them to come by on Sunday at 2 in the afternoon. The next morning, no longer under the influence of the beta-blocker, I had a mini breakdown."

* "That night I couldn't sleep for recalling all the times shyness had tripped me up. I'd gone to Guatemala to study Spanish for three weeks and never once struck up a conversation with anyone the entire time-in Spanish or in English. I'd noticed the starving street dogs and how they slunk around anticipating a kick, and on a particularly low day I decided I was like them."

* "A few weeks after Amy told me about being hypnotized, I sat next to a Lacanian analyst at a dinner party who said, 'Psychoanalysis doesn't work; hypnotism does.' "

* "You're going to change in ways you can't even imagine. This will affect your entire life. Even as I realized that Debbie had just planted a suggestion, the possibility of being comfortable in my own skin sent a tingly sensation right through me."

* "I decided to smile at everyone I passed. I was now middle-aged and my smiles were not likely to be misconstrued as come-ons. People smiled back. It felt pretty good. I spread a little joy. It hadn't been my intention, but it was the effect. And that's when I discovered something profound about shyness. It's a little self-involved. How can you ever think about the other person if you're so busy worrying about yourself?"

* "A few days after I came back home, I went to a dance and made a date to meet a man at a chocolate factory. The chocolate was deep, dark, and delicious. The man turned out to have a Mexican girlfriend. Even conquering shyness didn't make life perfect, but it has made it more interesting, and now when I feel like being a wet blanket, I know it's my choice."

The cure for self-consciousness, by Martha Beck

* "Most of us occasionally dream about being embarrassed in social settings. But even in waking life, many of us operate as if Simon Cowell is doing a play-by-play of our work, wardrobe, and snack choices. One team of researches has dubbed this phenomenon the "spotlight effect." In the beam of imaginary spotlights, may of us suffer untold shame and create smaller, weaker, less zestful lives than we deserve."

* "In one experiment, they had college students enter a room with other students while wearing an "embarassing" T-shirt. When the mortified students were asked to guess how many people in the room would remember the face on their T-shirt, they gave a number about twice as high as the number of students who actually remembered the shirt."

* "In the long run, people most often regret the things they failed to try, rather than the things they bombed at."

* "Once, I had an intense, emotional cell phone discussion with a friend while riding in a taxi. At a certain point I fell into a strangled silence. 'What's wrong with you?' my friend asked. 'Why aren't you talking?' Covering my mouth with one hand, I whispered, 'The driver can hear me.' At this point my friend said something so lucid, so mind expanding, so simultaneously socratic and Zenlike, that I memorized it on the spot My friend said--and I quote: 'So?'

This brilliant interrogatory challenged me to consider the long term consequences of being embarrassed (really, who cares?)"

"If I say what I really think, people might disagree with me. So? If I leave my drunken abusive husband, his crazy family will call me a bitch. So? If I go windsurfing, I'll look like a klutz. Plus, people will see my cellulite."

So? So what. Who the hell cares.

Jessica Alba

I'm not one who gets caught up in celebrity hysteria. I don't buy the rag mags to see who's got cellulite or which latest star has broken the heart of another with some sordid and public affair.

I don't look up to or idolize or encourage young girls to strive for that unattainable seemingly perfect life that celebrities live, in which we all know is a facade in most cases.

I am however a regular girl. When I see a thing of beauty, I can't help but stop and notice. I think in fact, it is true that a woman notices another woman's beauty more so and more often than a man does. Women sometimes dress for themselves but also for other women's approval.

Jessica Alba is a stunningly gorgeous woman. Her acting skills may not be Oscar worthy but I love her personal style. She's beautiful without being Hollywood plastic. She can go from playground casual to red-carpet ready in the same day (and I'm sure with a team of 12 to assist).

Here are some images of the young mother. Is it me or does she get better with age?

Tradition gone a mess - Trashing the dress (TTD)

As any bride can attest, planning her wedding can be one of the most trying and stressful times of her life and a true test of her relationship, patience and ability to bite her tongue.

I am a non-traditional person by most standards and have always lived my life dancing to my own beat. When I presented the idea of marrying my true love on a beach in the tropics, not a soul tried to dissuade me but deep down I knew it wouldn't be entirely fair to our families and friends who could not make it to Mexico for one reason or another.

Our simple wedding of 2 turned into 9 months of furious planning of two very detail-required venues. Between working at an extremely demanding job with long hours, buying our first home, and the regular hectic pace of life, there seemed to be little time to tend to our ever-growing list of things to do, people to see and places to go relating to our wedding. The plans started to progress and then the inevitable happened all at once: my wedding coordinator in Mexico, my wedding coordinator at home and the coordinator of a hall we had booked for our company Christmas party all moved on to different positions at once.

I was entirely responsible for the Social Committee events alone at work and had to start from scratch with the new planner for the Christmas party. The coordinator for our at home reception moved on to a new position so I met with the new planner to ensure there were no miscommunications. I had literally sent dozens maybe even safe to say, a hundred emails to our coordinator in Mexico. When planning a wedding abroad, you need to trust that things don't get lost in translation (literally). Just as I was comfortable that things would go off without a hitch, I was presented with a new coordinator who promised that we could leave the details in her hands. It took everything inside of me to refrain from reading reviews about weddings at our resort and how the last couple our coordinator married, totally messed everything up. If it wasn't bad enough that it was pouring rain on their day, the coordinator showed up with one umbrella, for herself, letting the guests get soaked and not informing the guests of the Plan "B" rainout location. The new couple, Bill and Karen were wed in the basement of the fish restaurant, with no music, missing guests, a stench to remember and their monogrammed linens Bill and "Karys".

In hindsight and reflection, I am truly thankful that the things that went wrong during our day were minor and mostly unnoticed. Everyone was healthy, had a great time and at the end of the day, we were married without a hitch. (Pardon the ridiculously bad pun!)

The above mentioned scenarios are mild compared to some of the disasters that take place during the wedding planning process. Friendships are lost, families fight, the weddings are called off, drama unfolds and weather ruins. The day becomes more about what everyone else wants and as you nod your head in agreement, you can understand the latest trend.

Trashing the dress or otherwise acronyme-d "TTD" has become a post-matrimony custom for many brides. The white dress throughout the process is carefully preserved, guarded and cherished until the day of reveal. Once the big day has come and gone, the dress is wrapped, saved or displayed for perhaps a day when her daughter will carry on her mother's legacy.

Enter the Trash The Dress phenomenon.

Symbolic of the frustrations and stresses a bride (and sometimes the groom but let's face it, a bride) goes through during her planning, neverending lists, ever-increasing demands of family and usually a number of budget-bursting expenses, choices and decisions to make, it becomes cathartic and almost ironic to take it all out on the one thing that represented the whole headache to begin with: the dress.

From a fun and creative photo shoot after the wedding to an all out ruining of the dress, TTD, is anything but traditional. I got to thinking, what a great way to celebrate your divorce too! (I'm really not a cynical angry person but MAN did it feel good to cut up that dress and dive into the ocean!) Here are a couple of images and a video I am posting (with permission) from the amazingly talented Still Motion which captures a bride and groom in Coney Island and Times Square ruining her dress. You do not want to miss this!

http://vimeo.com/1820162

One of my favourites was shot in California. Fun, sexy and great.

http://www.vimeo.com/1708096

Motherhood

Both my husband and I were raised for a short period in our lives by single moms. We had step-fathers in the picture but not biological fathers. I myself do not have any children, but often wonder how hard it must have been for my mom to keep it all together.

I wonder which generation has it hardest. Back then, there were no internet support groups or chat rooms for like-minded situations such as being a single parent. Seeing a shrink was hardly something that was of discourse and there were not as many well-paying jobs for women 30 years ago. Flex-hours in the workplace hardly existed as well as online training to advance your skills, or blackberries to keep life's events organized.

Leaping forward into this generation, we have all the tools of technology at our fingertips but still can't manage to keep up with two parents and two incomes. The problem seems to be the superwoman syndrome. There is so much pressure on women to have every realm of their life in check and I see many friends who are struggling to keep it together, yet always smile and say life is perfect and great.

Why is it that we can't be honest with each other as women? I saw an episode on Oprah where two mothers wrote a book on the honesty of the mistakes they have made raising a child and the forum was free for women to be honest without judgement. Who are we to judge anyone really? I may shake my head at the lady in the grocery store who can't keep her kids from screaming at unbearable decibels but maybe one day I'll be there too and hope that nobody is frowning on me with that disapproving look.

One woman on Oprah recounted a story of feeding her child dinner from snacks she had in the back seat of the car. Another admitted to enjoying a glass of red wine in the next room while her child cries in the bedroom. We can gasp, point the finger or think what we want but nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.

Click here for a recap of that episode:

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Motherhood-Secrets

Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile were guests on this episode. They discussed their book "Dirty Little Secrets from Otherwise Perfect Moms" in an honest and vulnerable way that made me feel better about not being perfect and less afraid of failing as a mom.

My mom always said to do the best I can, and I truly believe that all moms out there are doing just that. I think single moms have it twice as tough and I would just like to give a "thanks" to my mom for all that she did for me. Despite our ups and downs, challenging teenage years, differences and now shockingly, similarities, I know that she gave motherhood her all.

Give your mom a hug today and if she's no longer with you, say a prayer of thanks for all that she did for you.

Happy Birthday!

In honor of Canada's birthday today, here are some beautiful images of a country I'm proud to live in. A special Happy Birthday to my mom too who turned 60 today and will be celebrating her birthday at her favourite spot: Niagara Falls.

Happy long weekend everyone!